do you think about me now and then?

do you think about me now and then?


forever ever? forever ever? ever ever? ever ever? ever ever?


but if I ever did cut myself
I’d 100% go for an artery.

i wanna stay inside all day

i want the world to go away

i want blood guts and chocolate cake

i wanna be a real fake

yeah i wish id been a wish id been a teen teen idle

wish id been a prom queen fighting for the title

instead of being sixteen and burning up a Bible

feeling super super super! suicidal~

queen of no identity

i always feel like someone else

a living myth.

i grew up in a lie…

i could be anyone (anyone~)

a study in identity and illusion.

an ode to cindy.

a living film.

a real. fake.

when you found me

i was quiet





i was recovering. i was a shell of myself. i was barely there. that’s when you fell for me.


you showed me you cared. you helped pick me back up. you were there for me.


you were there, but unaware that slowly, i was repiecing myself together.

the loud

the carefree

the outspoken


and maybe that would have all been fine

if what i spoke of

did not involve

the sudden realisation

that i’m the precise opposite of what you believe me to be 

"Observations From My Heart."

you told me that you observe with your eyes, while i observe with my heart.

i observe everything with my heart.

you want to know what my heart says it’s observed about yours?


my heart says

that your heart whispered

while it thought no one was listening

that it had loved a girl

so much and so hard 

that it will probably never forget how to.


my heart says

that your heart was murmuring in its sleep

about how much it still hurt

from the one time it was forcibly wrenched from its socket

and left outside to bleed.


my heart says

that your heart was crawling

trying to hang onto anything

to escape from the emptiness it feels

from the space it keeps open in case one day

that girl decides to comes back.


and that space is so large

that there’s no room for anyone else in there.


that’s what my heart says. 

i never had a heart to mend.

because before the start began, i always saw the end.

it almost feels like a joke

to play out the part

when you are not the starring role

in someone else’s heart.

you know i’d rather walk alone

than play a supporting role

if i can’t get a starring role.

don’t you L word me,
no more empty promises,
I’m too gullible.

I will find my own liberation.